Communication– the Key to Making a Difference
What would the world be like if we all know we have everything we need to make a real difference in the world? Would there be wars? Would there be hunger in the world? Would we feel loved and like big people with a mission to take care of each other and the resources we were given? What can we do to get out of our own way, build others up for who they really are and get passionate about making a difference out there? The world needs us…you and me!
“If it wasn’t for the conversation with you, the follow-up conversation with Tom (pseudo name) would not have been successful, Sally says. Thank you for seeing me as my possibility and for taking a stand for me.”
Sally and I are colleagues in a course. The conversation she is referring to is difficult for me as well as for her. I confront her on her ineffectiveness with taking steps to complete her project. I am coached to do that in a way I am not used to talking to adults, with rigour while standing for her possibility with love. We both experienced a breakthrough!
In the Team Management and Leadership Program Sally and I are taking, we learn to discover our “blindspots”…areas that are “missing” in having our communication be more effective. Sally is in her own way and doesn’t realize it.
The training for me, on this call, is to be rigorous with my colleague so that she gets the communication…previous attempts have not worked. I feel nervous about the conversation but after some coaching am able to be rigorous while loving and seeing her as her possibility and not the point of view she holds for herself, namely “I am a failure.” If I allow her to stay in that point of view, it would be a self-fulfilling prophecy and the pattern she is used to would just continue. In order for her to have a breakthrough I have to be rigorous.
At the end of the call, Sally is pretty quiet and I find out later that she thinks about it for a few hours before reaching out to another colleague,Tom, who is able to have a follow-up conversation with her. Then, she gets to work, completing a huge chunk on her project. I see her as a huge leader that is up to making a big difference in the world. We both have breakthroughs in that conversation!
Communication is the backbone of all relationships. It is the responsibility of the listener and the speaker. Communication is not possible without both people taking responsibility. In the share above, Sally takes responsibility by listening and taking time to think about what I am communicating and I take a stand seeing her as a powerful business woman up to big things.
We all have a point of view about ourselves and the world. It is formed when we are very young when something (often dramatic) happens where we feel we have no control. In that moment we make a decision about ourselves and about the world. And it is not an empowering one. Examples include, “I am unworthy and the world looks down on me.” Or “I don’t have a voice and the world doesn’t care.” Or I am not loveable and the world ignores me.” Then we go forward living our lives as if that was true and we find all kinds of evidence to support that…I think of it like buying a new red car and then finding more red cars on the road then ever.
The result is that most of us go into “survival” or “fix it” mode. When we do that we defend, manipulate, withhold communication, protect, etc. That is not real communication!
Consider that we live our lives based on the decision of a young child. Consider that we have everything we need to make a powerful difference in the world and to experience ease and freedom in the process. Consider that we are perfect, whole and complete the way we are and that God/the universe…doesn’t make mistakes. Consider that if we could get out of our own way, we would be able to make a real difference in the world.
Then I ask myself, what can I do for teachers and students to support them with communication…starting with how they see themselves. I am creating units to support that work. “I am Special – self-esteem” is an example (see description under “Workshops” on this website. Children get it…faster then many adults, actually. Let’s train this generation in the communication skills they need for each student to make a valuable contribution to the world.
Thank you to Landmark Worldwide for the Communication courses steeped in wisdom and practice.